For the entirety of my adolescence in high school I was without a boyfriend. Only a sprinkle of guys would show interest in me, but it never got to the point of a guy confessing feelings for me or entering a real relationship. The guys I liked DID like me… but only a friend. I would become the girl best friend or the girl they talked to about girls they actually had feelings for.
I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was it because I was a black girl at a white school? Or because I wasn’t thin enough? Was I too shy and quiet in class? Were guys repulsed by my clothing style?
Or maybe it was because I always let my past and present define my future.
I was constantly thinking about every guy who had never liked me back and settled on the idea that I wasn’t good enough. I thought of myself as the friend who had never had a boyfriend, so that idea reflected in my life for years. I was focused on the idea that there was something wrong with me, and my insecurities seemed to just grow and grow.
The only person to blame for my circumstances was myself. I let my negative thoughts multiply and reproduce in my mind, unconsciously continually manifesting being single and insecure all throughout highschool.
What you think about becomes your reality. If you are constantly thinking about an ex-boyfriend that cheated on you, then you’re more likely to have more boyfriends who cheat on you in the future. The universe listens to your thoughts and emotions and draws that energy into your life.
What you believe you will see.
It isn’t a “AH-HA” moment when you discover disloyalty in your relationship. It isn’t the universe plotting against you and praying for your downfall. You are a magnet and the universe does nothing but reflect the energy you are putting out. If you’ve had negative experiences in your love life, take a moment to reflect on what kind of headspace you were in before or at the time. We are constantly manifesting whether we are aware of it or not.
You are the only person to blame for how your love life, and life in general turns out. Take accountability for your thoughts and actions. If you desire better things, then ACTUALLY believe it is possible for you. You set the limitations in your mind and determine what is possible for you or not.
This may be harsh, but it’s the truth and I have been exactly where you are. I thought that the guy I was in love with would never see me as more than a friend, and the universe reflected my energy–we became really great friends but never anything more than that. The one time something romantic could have happened between us, I was so focused on how he had never liked me in the past, that I ruined the chance of us. I was focused on the belief that me and him couldn’t be possible instead of freeing myself from negativity and being present in the moment.
So take my mistakes and learn from them. If a hot guy is flirting with you, don’t dwell on insecurities or the past, act with confidence and envision the outcome you desire.
If you have never had a boyfriend before, the first step is believing you can have one. Keep a positive mindset and trust that the universe will bring you guys together. All the love in the world is waiting for you– feel and know you can have it and you’ll receive it.
Love, Najoni Sade
