For so long I felt left out and like I didn’t have a lot of friends. So when I could, I tried to win people over with what I could offer to them. It started innocently like a piece of gum to people around me in class. I would bring candy or sodas for the guys I crushed on. Give homework answers to people in class. But so quickly it escalated to hanging out at my house everyday and throwing parties when the occasion presented itself. People would come to me wanting, asking, pleading, and begging for more. So I gave it away so easily because I thought they were my friends. It made me fueled with joy–gave me a feeling of ecstasy when someone tapped on my shoulder in class or whispered my name. But the high I experienced soon followed an extreme tank in sorrowful realization:

They weren’t my friends.

The minute I stopped giving and giving and giving… they disappeared. There was a clear difference between what I endured and what an actual friendship is. Those people didn’t care about how I felt or whether I cried. They didn’t want to hang out with me solo or get to know me at all. They saw opportunity. I was that opportunity. I was that thing they could use up and throw away when it emptied out. I was an object– not a real person with feelings who tried acting out with kindness. They knew nothing about me, they cared nothing for me, so they treated me with no respect. 

I opened up my heart, my home, and my wallet to any takers, and that was my mistake. I was a bird lady in the park. Nemo to sharks. A three-legged cat to coyotes. The Giving Tree to the boy. The prey to the predator in whatever form you call it. It hurt to feel so used and abandoned by people I adored and wanted to impress, but I got over it over time. I had to go back to that class, sit in that chair, and learn to say no after they “forgot”  to do their homework. I had to cut people out of my life that did not deserve to have a place in my life. 

A lot of that negative behavior is attracted to your life when you do not see the value in who you are.  People will always try to take advantage of you and hurt you if you continue to let them. 

You have to take back control of your life.

Let go of those manipulative relationships–that person lost the privilege to be loved by you. It is not normal to give and give, and receive nothing in return. I want you to watch how quickly those people will leave your life. The second they realize you aren’t easy and feeble, they will leave and find someone else to use. You may think you are irreplaceable and special to them, but you are simply another person trapped under their spell. You have the key to break out of your own cage. 

Just because they are gone, does not mean you are alone–in fact it opens up space for people who will truly love and respect you. Let yourself feel amazed by the strength of freedom and choosing yourself first. Life is not meant to be spent in the shadows of those who drain you; it is meant to be with people who uplift you and fill you with joy. The journey of self respect is not easy, but with every step you become filled with more self love and healthy relationships. Letting go of the wrong people is a powerful step in making room for the right ones.